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July 16 2017

15:49

shez-sensitive:

sorry I haven’t replied to ur texts I’ve been overwhelmed by literally anything that’s ever happened or will happen

15:21
4577 efc5 390

beachdeath:

lesbianrey:

this is so wild and i’m so into it

me and my wife walk into this hotel for our honeymoon dressed as han solo and luke skywalker and all of the hotel employees have to be like “congratulations on your gay wedding, butch lesbian han and non-binary luke, here are the keys to the millennium falcon honeymoon suite, also thank you for saving the galaxy, you’re heroes” and i (luke) lower my prada shades and say “i’m no hero, i wake up in the morning and put my louboutin boots on one leg at a time just like anybody else” and then i tighten up the sash on my custom leather balmain bodysuit and i march over to the elevators with my aforementioned louboutin boots clicking conspicuously on the marble floor, arm in arm with my wife han solo, and then we zoot up to the penthouse floor and hang the do not disturb sign on the door of the millennium falcon honeymoon suite and then we just bang in the cockpit and play holochess for a week solid

14:53

eeveestevie:

If a girl ever wore lingerie for me I think I’d die

14:51
4578 4217 390
14:51

Actually genuinenly enjoying my customer service job sometimes

sonicsarah1117:

uncannycookie:

Customer (calling from Ireland): “Yes hello, I would like to -”

Sheep in the background: *gentle baa*

Customer: “Uh, sorry, what I want to do is -”

Sheep: *slightly more insistent baa*

Customer: “No, not now! -cough- Excuse me. I have a reservation and -”

Sheep: *VERY LOUD ACCUSATORY BAA*

Customer: Arnulf! Please be quiet, I am on the phone! … Sorry, I sincerely apologize on behalf of Arnulf.”

me: “I love and forgive him.”

Customer: “Don’t, he doesn’t deserve it. Anyway, I’m calling about -”

Arnulf: *small, very self-satisfied baa*

I still love this lol

14:25
4579 6894 390

mysharona1987:

When you realize Trump supporters care more about Trump than they do about their own country.

14:04

if you're waiting for me to take a hint

moonlandingwasfaked:

it won’t work.
consider the following: i’m a dumbass

14:04
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babyanimalgifs:

this is so cute

13:57
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July 15 2017

05:28

affectionatesuggestion:

you’ll find someone who wants a future with you. who looks forward to seeing you, texts you back, and cares. it may take time, but it will happen.

04:32

just-shower-thoughts:

Naming babies makes you think of all the people you’ve disliked

01:16
01:16

Women do not have to:

skella-whore:

  • be thin
  • give birth
  • cook for you
  • have long hair
  • wear makeup
  • have sex with you
  • be feminine
  • be graceful
  • shave
  • diet
  • be fashionable
  • wear pink
  • love men
  • be the media’s idea of perfection
  • listen to your bullshit
  • have a vagina
00:46
2161 5177 390
00:18

problackgirl:

Me: *wants to talk to you*

Me: *has nothing to say*

July 14 2017

23:49

dokteur:

bonbonlanguage:

You know what I think is really cool about language (English in this case)? It’s the way you can express “I don’t know” without opening your mouth. All you have to do is hum a low note, a high note, then another lower note. The same goes for yes and no. Does anyone know what this is called?

23:21

griffys:

i mean i know i’m unlovable but a girl can dream right

22:53

phukers:

phukers:

Anyone wanna f

ind nemo

22:25

bellamyblaker:

*nervously calls crush bro*

21:56

honeyfawns:

mid life crisis ? no no, mid DAY crisis. happens every day

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