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August 28 2017

03:41
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03:40

jennagoesvegan:

who wants to ᵘʰʰʰʰʰʰ kiss me

03:40

chessys:

u got through everything u didnt think u were strong enough for

03:40

coolpixiekid:

my 4-year-old niece is in that “splattering colors all over the paper” stage of making art. i showed her a piece by Jackson Pollock and told her “this person is really famous, and he made art kind of like you!” but she just looked disinterested and told me “mine has prettier colors.” get wrecked, Jackson Pollock

03:39
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August 27 2017

22:53
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toffeecape:

cosmictuesdays:

gifsboom:

Baby armadillo.

Humans will pet anything.

How wonderful, then, to live on a planet full of creatures that like to be petted!

22:25

melchiorgabor:

yesterday my first table at work was 4 complete shitholes who yelled at me twice before i even took their food order and almost made me cry. before they ate, they all bowed their heads to pray.

so on the top of their receipt i wrote “hebrews 13:2″ and they went WILD. they LOVED IT. they tipped me over 20% for my “education fund”.

hebrews 13:2 is “do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it”, and i really hope they got home and looked it up and realized that i am, in fact, a petty fucking bitch

21:57
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handsomedogs:

This pic of my samoyed puppy Siri who found a soother on our walk always makes me happy. I hope she can bring a smile to someone else! -legglessdraws

21:44

fearlessly-fiona:

“I’m an adult” I whisper as I try not panic while I’m filling in all those forms that I don’t understand.

21:40

jupitersaurus:

jupitersaurus:

Women with deep voices are absolutely amazing. Their voices make me melt like omfg especially when they get a little raspy. Mayne I fall in love instantly.

AND YES I MEAN ALL WOMEN WITH DEEP VOICES. EVERY. SINGLE. ONE.

21:37

My "stay in bed all day" game too strong

21:37
21:36

anotherdayforchaosfay:

mamalizmas:

dreamlightasafeather:

IF YOU NEED TO CALL 911 BUT ARE SCARED TO BECAUSE OF SOMEONE IN THE ROOM, dial and ask for a pepperoni pizza. They will ask if you know you’re calling 911. Say yes, and continue pretending you’re making an order. They’ll ask if there’s someone in the room.

You can ask how long it will take for the pizza to get to you, and they will tell you how far away a dispatcher is.

Here is an example video

Reblog to literally save a life

I’ve done this.  I’m alive because of this. 

My flat-mate’s date for the night was almost as drunk as her.  She had passed out in her room and locked the door.  He refused to leave because he wanted to have sex.  He also demanded food because he was dealing with “whiskey dick”.  He didn’t like the lack of food in the fridge.  I called 911, did the stuff stated above, and he was getting PISSED about how long the “order” was taking.  He took my phone, demanded they “hurry the fuck up”.  Police arrived two minutes later, arrested him, and helped me file a police report.  Pressing charges wasn’t necessary because he had warrants on him from THREE different states for the very thing he planned to do to me.  Several months after this happened one of the officers informed me he was charged with two felonies because he crossed stay lines, and will be serving no less than 35 years in prison.  The officer ripped into my flat-mate about her bringing home complete strangers, while drunk, knowing full well this shit could happen. 

This was 14 years ago.  

Do the pizza order, do it as calmly as you can.  The dispatcher I spoke to said things like this:

“If he’s drunk say you want mushrooms.”  I said I want extra mushrooms.

“If he’s threatening you with sexual assault say you want onions.”  I said I want onions.

She went like this with different toppings and sauces for a description of him, like pineapple if he’s blonde, black olives if he’s tall, extra large if he’s tall, etc.

They’ve heard this sort of coded call before.  They’re trained for it.  They will understand what you’re saying.  Order the pizza.

15:21
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awwww-cute:

I see your baby warthog and raise you this, a baby tapir! (Source: http://ift.tt/2xBDdQb)

15:21

sophiealdred:

binge watching is great until you run out of the show and have to start watching it weekly like some sort of medieval peasant

15:15
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lovel-ylesbian:

avatarjason:

SLAYAGE OF THE CENTURY DAMNNNNNNNNNNNN…

This will never not be great

15:14
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evanstan:

Just leaving this here:

the moment in which Thor first sees the Hulk in a gladiatorial arena and describes his as a “friend from work” came from an unexpected source.

“We had a young kid, a Make-A-Wish kid on set that day,” Thor star Chris Hemsworth tells Entertainment Weekly. “He goes, ‘You know, you should say, ‘He’s a friend from work!’” (x)

15:11

stats:

get you a man that lol jk. just get you a girl

15:09
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positivelypersistentteach:

This is our life now.

15:06
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